The search for love in itself is a daunting task. Couple that with the baggage, bias, and mistakes from previous relationships, it becomes an odyssey that you would never come back from. The reality is that many ruin their chances of finding love by not letting go of previous mistakes and hurts. As this is a common pattern with many of us, we have curated the only article you’ll ever need to read on how to successfully find love without making it complicated with previous breakup mistakes.
1. Come into new relationships whole
A history of unsuccessful relationships means you probably might have experienced some form of mental and emotional hurt. Thus, it’s essential that you heal from the hurt you might have experienced in previous relationships before trying to find love again.
Remember, most people don’t want an upper-fixer kind of relationship. Yes, no one is perfect; we all know that. But you can be imperfect without being broken. So, heal from your pain, resolve internal conflict, find yourself again, and more importantly, believe in your self-worth.
2. Learn and unlearn
The luckiest people in the world are the ones that end up committing to their partner in the first relationship. Since you are reading this article, your browsing history of men or women has probably exceeded a whole page. On a serious note, there’s always something to learn from previous relationships.
While it’s not out of place to regret a very toxic and abusive relationship, you must grow into someone that sees past breakups as a learning experience. Start seeing past breakup mistakes as rehearsals that prepare you for the main event. Just as it’s important to reflect and learn from previous relationships, it’s also important to unlearn toxic traits and unhealthy coping mechanisms you must have picked up from your previous relationships.
3. Realize all men and women are not the same:
As the search for the holy grail or the golden fleece, your search for love will be next to impossible if you hold on to stereotypes and bias from previous relationships.
Yes, your previous relationships must have shaped some of your perspectives on the opposite sex. Yet, you need to understand that no man or woman is created the same. So, start every potential lover on a fresh page, avoid prejudice learnt vicariously from others relationships and avoid complicating things with stereotypes and bias.
4. Avoid withholding affection and being difficult
There’s the common trend of making potential lovers suffer from the sins of previous lovers. But little do we know that we hurt our chances of finding genuine love when we do this. You might have gotten burnt in the past by giving your all or by being your nurturing, kind, and romantic self, yet you shouldn’t allow past hurt to make you cold-hearted. This is not to say that you shouldn’t take baby steps while finding love. The take-home is that you shouldn’t withhold affection and dating privileges because you’re afraid of getting hurt again.
5. Own your faults and manage expectations
For smooth sailing on the course of finding love, one needs to reflect on their previous actions in previous relationships and their choice of partners. You need to recognize your toxic traits or unhealthy relationship patterns, such as going for emotionally unavailable individuals and superficial people.
Once you acknowledge your pervious breakup mistakes and identify unsound relationship patterns, your search for love becomes less complicated. It’s also crucial that you continuously reevaluate your expectations in relationships because your expectations might be wildly idealistic, selfish, hypocritical or unattainable.
There you have it! The future of your love life can be so much brighter if only you learn from the past, heal from it and more importantly, move past it.